The year 2016 in film can be summed up as this: if the movie was good, it was GOOOOD! If the movie was bad, it was barely watchable.
Thus, I’ve created a list that smells like a steaming pile of dog shit, because that’s what these films are. From money hungry studio cash-ins to just blatant incompetence by everyone involved, these ten films are the worst of the worst.
They stole our money. They robbed us of our time. They promised entertainment and made us want to gouge out our eyes.
These are the Ten Worst Films of 2016 (in my opinion of course):
One of the most successful films of the 1990s, Independence Day was also one of the dumbest. But it was pure fun, boasting one of the greatest movie speeches of all time, and a cast of characters we loved. Its sequel, twenty years in the making, is none of those things. Sure, you could put this movie on and laugh at its badness with your friends, but it’s probably best that you don’t even look in its direction. None of the actors have any chemistry. The plot is beyond stupid. The effects look tired and dated. And by the film’s third act, the screenplay is still introducing new characters. Independence Day: Resurgence is a mess; a studio cash in if there ever was one.
Stupid premise + stupid dialogue + stupid characters + stupid performances + stupid scenarios = nothing but stupid. I can’t stress this enough. This movie is stupid in every sense of the word. Morris Chestnut, Regina Hall, and Michael Kenneth Williams, you are all better than this. Maybe you need the paycheck, but no paycheck is worth this much damage to your careers.
When you can predict exactly how this movie will play out within the first ten minutes, you know you’re not in for a good experience. The 5th Wave plays like a checklist of every teen movie cliché you can think of. Young girl discovers she has special abilities. Young girl is forced into an entirely new environment. Young girl meets emo, self-loathing, and bullying adversaries. Young girl falls in love with needy boy who has trouble keeping his shirt on. Young girl and needy boy share a clunky and forced romance. Young girl fights baddies in third act. Film is left open for the sequel. Do yourself a favour and skip this. You’ve seen this movie before. You hated it then, and you’ll hate it now.
Dan Brown is a terrible writer. David Koepp somehow keeps finding screenwriting gigs. Ron Howard is occasionally a good director. The three of them together produce coal where they should produce gold. Inferno sets a new low for the Robert Langdon series of films. But it’s not bad enough to be “so bad it’s enjoyable.” It’s boring, tedious, and altogether forgettable. Think of it as a scavenger hunt where all the clues practically tell you the answers and the treasure is something you never would want ever in your life. That’s Inferno in a nut shell.
How Gods of Egypt isn’t the worst film of the year is quite astounding. From the very first trailers, no one thought this movie was going to be good. The film’s muddled release only confirmed the matter. Gods of Egypt is one of the year’s biggest bombs (along with Ben-Hur). It is filled with lazy CGI, actors who look confused in every scene, Gerard Butler doing his 300 shtick all over again, and a bunch of scenes spliced together seemingly at random to only partially tell a fundamentally incoherent storyline. Alex Proyas, who gave us one of the greatest comic book films of all time with The Crow and one of the best sci-fi films of all time with Dark City has fallen quite far from grace here. One can only hope that this was just a colossal miscalculation and that Proyas will once again bring his unique vision of storytelling back to his filmmaking.
The trailers advertise one kind of movie. The movie that Collateral Beauty actually is, however, is nothing like the trailers. Collateral Beauty is the kind of Oscar bait, falsely sentimental, desperate to make you cry tear jerker that Will Smith makes every December. The only thing Collateral Beauty has going for it is that it’s so bad that it might put an end to these awful December Will Smith vehicles made with the hope that this will be the one to get him his dramatic Oscar nomination.
Zoolander was a very funny movie. But one thing no one ever needed was a sequel. And yet for our sins, we got one. For every laugh the original Zoolander had, Zoolander 2 has an awkward joke that musters the sound of crickets chirping. Nobody involved seems to even remotely care. The gags are scattershot. And the cameos grow from tedious to annoying before the halfway mark. Zoolander is still being remembered as a comedy classic. Its sequel will be going the way of Airplane II and Evan Almighty.
For all its many faults, Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice is The Dark Knight compared to this studio mandated garbage fire. It’s really hard to screw up Harley Quinn and The Joker, but this film not only managed to completely destroy these characters, it also wasted the talents of Margot Robbie and Jared Leto as neither actor had much screen time to do anything other than recite really bad one liners. From choppy pacing, a soundtrack incapable of setting any sense of tone, a convoluted storyline that is told mostly through exposition, and a third act that is Fant4stic ridiculous, Suicide Squad is bad to the point of being offensive. DC had a running start too with a solid marketing campaign as well as the hype of having Batman, The Joker, and Harley Quinn together in a live action blockbuster, thus ensuring its success. The slap in the face it gave to fans only shows that the DCEU is fundamentally broken and at this point should either be rebooted or scrapped altogether.
The most disliked movie trailer in You Tube history was disliked not because men are sexist or fanboys can’t accept change. It was disliked because we all feared that Paul Feig and Sony were using the Ghostbusters brand to make a cinematic universe that was equal parts confusing and unfunny. The film we got was every bit that. But what makes this film truly awful is that it promotes a false ideal of feminism that inadvertently says women can only get ahead in a world where everybody else is an idiot. All four leads are unrelatable and unlikable. Their chemistry is awkward. The jokes are lame. The villain is disposable. And by the end of this ordeal, the movie itself looked like it had been chopped apart one too many times in the editing room. Thankfully, the box office returns made Sony rethink their plans. Thus, this abysmal remake will be long forgotten while the original Ghostbusters will still live on as a comedy classic.
2016 was the year of the horror film. So it’s a shame that Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett, who have been responsible for rather strong contemporary grindhouse films like You’re Next and The Guest, completely sold their souls to helm one of the worst horror films ever produced by a major studio. By trying to explain events from the first film, Blair Witch only makes them more inexplicable. By trying to show the witch, the film strips away all fear from our imagination. By throwing in four times as many characters as the original had (who all have really expensive equipment few university students could possibly afford), the audience has no attachment to anyone, hereby simply watching numbers to be killed off. By shaking the camera in every possible direction in every shot, the film showcases the absolute worst aspects of the found footage genre. And by adding jump scares within jump scares, Blair Witch collapses under the weight of its own laziness into loud, derivative, and annoying amateur hour. This film is absolute, utter garbage, and makes every other film on this list feel like Arrival.
What were some of your most hated films of 2016? Let me know in the Comments below!